Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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