it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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