i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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