pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
