mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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