woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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