So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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