just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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