I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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