coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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