mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
