I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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