he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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