I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
