She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
