hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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