she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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