and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
