I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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