Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
