I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
