Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
