Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
