She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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