Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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