honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
