you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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