I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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