You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
