i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
