I CAN MOONWALK!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just high enough for therapy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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