Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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