Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
