it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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