i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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