i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
