Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
