somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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