Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
