Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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