Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
