Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
