covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
