I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
