Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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