I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
