Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
