she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
