I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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