so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
