did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
