I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
