We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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