after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
