Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You pole danced in your parka.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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