Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
