used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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