if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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