yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
