Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
