And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
