happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The best revenge is premature balding
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
