i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
