Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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