Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
