saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
