It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize