Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
