sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize