hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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