Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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