i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
