I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
