I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
