Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I see more hoeing in ur future
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
