you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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