my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
