I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
