Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
