TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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