put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
