i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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