Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
