this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
