I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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