Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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