also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
