Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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