I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
