he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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